Clean & Bright

"Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you see the world."  - George Bernard Shaw

The first time I ever read this quote was in a bible class in high school. I was meticulously keeping a journal at the time and saw this quote in small letters in the margin of my textbook. I wrote the quote in big letters in the middle of one of my journal pages. I felt it was important enough to have one whole page of its own. It was the kind of quote that felt like when a song gets stuck in your head.

These words have quietly reappeared in the margins of my life during different experiences and circumstances I have faced over the years. I always thought it was strange because it is not a scripture and it probably was not meant to be amazingly spiritual. Maybe God just liked the way the British playwright (George Bernard Shaw) put things. Does God use the elegant words of creative people to redirect our eyes toward the Father? Is this even allowed? I've always just let it happen. 

Things have not come easily this year. Lots of change, lots of effort, lots of realizing that things sometimes just don't work out like you think they will. I hear people sometimes refer to these hard times as the "real world." The harsh and disappointing realities of adulthood. I would be lying if I told you that things have just been peaches, kittens, and lighting bugs these past few months. 

There is something that happens to you when you come to terms with the fact that some things might not be as accessible or attainable as you thought. When you become closely acquainted with the word No. When options become slim. When there is not much else that can be done. 

I remember where I was when this happened. I had just found out about another job opportunity falling through and I was sitting in a metal church chair looking at my sink full of dirty dishes. It was sunny and my dog was eating. The world didn't stop for me.

This may sound strange but I felt like something in my soul aged, hardened, and turned a grayish color. The color of my sink. I felt like I lost the sweet and shiny belief in amazing stories and things that are possible. It was a hollow and terrible feeling. I remember wondering if this was the real world that everyone talks about. 

I know this all sounds so gloomy, but I wonder if anyone else can relate to an experience like this. 

I think there are different reactions to this experience. Some people (like my Mike) become highly motivated by this challenge and decide to retaliate. Others take it more slowly and personally in an effort to process and analyze the issue from all angles (this person happens to be more like myself). Either way there comes a decision.

What do we do with this? Do we close up, put our heads down, and work until our hearts and hands are dry? 

Or do we fight to stay clean and bright? 

Do we persevere to stay wide open?

I believe that this is part of the race that Paul so passionately talks about in the scriptures. I believe that God invites us to an abundant life right in the middle of the realities of life. I am finding it just takes some work, and discipline on our part to take part.

What if life really does have bright possibilities and joyful hopes all along? What if the real world was more about fighting to keep your eyes open and your heart soft than embracing the way things have to be?

I am still sorting these questions out in my own mind, and I feel the Spirit asking me about what I will do.